Let's start with Friday, as Donna and I ventured to Lexington, KY for a women's conference-Brave. We passed a billboard that held Donna's future...it was some kind of "get discovered here" sign at the Entertainment Center and RV Park. I told Donna we should go, but since we already paid our registration, we figured we should keep heading to Lexington.
The conference was amazing. I cannot put into words what I experienced, but I was reminded once again how awesome our God is. I sang (with no voice, because I had been sick all week and student teaching.) But I stood there singing my heart out, pouring all of myself into worship. Not thinking about how good (or bad) I sounded, but fully worshiping God! What an awesome feeling. I have not done that in a very long time.
I shared my struggles with women I had known for only a few hours. I poured my heart out without holding back.
Let me share this...
I am really good at hiding things inside. Wow, I don't tell a lot of people that. It's not that I try to be fake with people, it's just that I am a fixer. I always have been. I like helping other people and being there for them. I am good at giving advice I should give to myself. But when it comes to me, I try to fix it myself. I don't really tell other people, because I think I can do it on my own. Now I know this is a flaw and not healthy at all, but this is what I do. I just take it all in stride and think, "I can do this." Like I have super powers or something.
I am learning (and relearning) that I must rely on God. I am grasping for things in my life I cannot reach, and should not reach just yet. I am so focused on the future that I don't see what I have right here, right now. I am learning to trust God again. To trust Him for who He is. It is that head knowledge that I have known for some time, it's getting it to my heart that takes awhile.
I wasn't expecting to share all of that, but I am feeling relieved. I am breathing in once again, waiting (not so patiently), but waiting, because I know that God is in control.
I wanted to share this song (chorus) by Nichole Nordeman, one of my favorite Christian artists. I have loved this song since I first heard it and it was the theme song at the conference (Hence the title)
Brave
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was,
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
4 comments:
I am so glad it was such a good experience for you! You are awesome and I know being in grad school makes it really tough to trust and just relax and breathe. Keep going chickie! You're gonna make it! And you are brave!
You don't hide things as well as you think. Life for us would be so much cooler if you did have super powers.
How did I miss this post? It was a great weekend, even if I wasn't "discovered " at the trailer park...next time...I am so glad we shared this together...I love you my brave friend!
What a great experience! I love that song-it's beautiful. I think the part that touches me is the stanza that says, "Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything. But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings". It is probably just because I am a scardy cat and I don't trust very easily. Don't we all need to be brave!
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